09.09.09
Today I had a great day. Today was a day of sunshine, classes, friends, and the overwhelming feeling that you just know God is real and moving. I’m not even sure where to begin, but I do know that my mind is racing with so many different thoughts right now. I am blessed. I am loved. God has answered my prayers way beyond any previous expectations.
I just showered and am now sitting outside looking out onto the moonlight ocean. What beauty! Tonight I went to TimeOut, a youth group/chapel(ish) type of thing in the rec room here at Loma. We worship and then there is a student speaker who can pretty much talk about whatever, but usually focuses on their testimony or some aspect of their spiritual life. Tonight, a girl named Nicole spoke, and basically after a minute or two, I just felt that knot already beginning to form. That knot that when someone is speaking you know you have felt that too. I know those feelings that she is talking about. What she just said have been words that have come out of my mouth not that long ago. By the end of her story, I realized that so much of what she talked about has been me over the past few months. We may have been in different countries, we may have had different experiences, we may be at completely different spots in our spiritual journey, but what she said hit home. And it hit home hard.
I’ve been giving so much credit to the Lord for what He has been doing here at Loma in just the short two weeks I have been here. But tonight, it was just different. I felt different tonight. I thought and reflected a little bit about the last two months of my life and it was so visible all the ways that God has been orchestrating every move even if I didn’t realize it at the time.
Coming home from RHCC missions this summer, something was different. Something was different inside of me, in my friends, and even in the feeling of the entire youth group. There was a passion and a fire that seemed to be ignited. We bonded as a family and asked question after question about how to live missional lives in Tualatin, in Portland, in the United States. Yes, there is need in Nicaragua. Yes, there is need in Uganda. But God has us here right now, so how do we feed the poor, how do we heal the sick, how do we care for the widow or the orphan? How can we serve God here where there is pain and suffering right down the road, or even right next door? How can we serve God and serve others where people mask the pain in their lives, but are longing for release.
These feelings of passion and excitement, as well as these questions hit me like a ton of bricks one night at youth group. I have honestly never doubted my decision to come here to Point Loma. I applied to one school, here. I got accepted to one school, here. Ever since I visited Loma, I just wanted to be here. It felt right. And the more and more I checked into it and talked to people and prayed about it, I just felt God calling me here. Well, all of that sort of changed that one night after youth group. It was three weeks before I was supposed to leave. We had an acoustic worship set that night (including Purify Me Jesus, which I miss terribly) and because not a lot of people were at Axess, there was space to spread out and just have a sense of being alone. The songs we sang were about God consuming our entire beings, being purified in Christ, showing the world love, bringing the fire here to earth, etc. After I was already feeling bombarded with racing thoughts and questions at the end of our powerful time of worship (first youth group in the States after being gone for a month in Nicaragua), Branden talked for roughly 10 minutes about the vision for this year, for the high school ministry at Rolling Hills. How this year, it was going to be different. This year, they are going to serve. How if Rolling Hills’ high school ministry were to cease to exist, Tualatin wouldn’t be able to survive because of how involved the high school ministry is in the community. What Branden was talking about were things that I desire, things that give me energy, things that inspire me to become more like Christ. Wow! Talk about overload. Why God why? Why are you pressing these things upon my heart NOW when in three weeks I am supposed to be leaving for Point Loma? What are you trying to tell me and teach me? I had some people telling me to stay and that community college is cheaper anyways (cough cough, you know who you are :-) ) while other people were telling me, “Taryn, we have talked and I know how excited you are to go to San Diego. God is going to be working through you so much and you are going to meet so many amazing people...” For two days after that night at youth group, I remained in constant prayer and took time to just think. What is God trying to tell me? Am I supposed to stay even when I felt like Point Loma is where He wants me or does God want me to take this passion to Point Loma?
Fast forward about 5 weeks from that night. Actually, thinking about it now, tonight is Wednesday. EXACTLY 5 weeks ago. (Wow! How crazy is that! Once again, God’s timing is perfect) I am here at Point Loma loving life. Not an exaggeration, I would say every night, I go to bed thinking, Wow! I am in awe of Him. He is working in extraordinary ways through just the simple, mundane things here at Loma. I can’t even put it into words. The connections between my new friends or even people I just talk to one or two times, the encouragement from my friends and family back home, a song or a sermon I listen to, or even just what someone says. I am constantly thinking, Are you serious? Is this for real? God’s timing is so divine and I have been truly blessed. I can’t even really describe it.
So now back to what Nicole talked about tonight. She was asking those same questions to herself that we were asking at youth group after studying abroad in Uganda last semester. She was asking herself the same questions of bringing that “different” atmosphere back to the States. An atmosphere of love, no schedule, united community. I miss that community of love feeling in Nicaragua. I miss my Nicaraguan family and I miss my friends that became family while we were there. I miss having no schedule, but simply stepping outside of the door and feeling like there is purpose. And she was feeling this same way too. She was trying to find a balance and asking herself questions of how to do that. Yet even through the questions, she feels blessed for the community that is at Point Loma, and oddly enough, I feel blessed for the community that I feel is already being formed here among my friends and the girls on my hall. Even though there is hurt, pain, and suffering, God is there. God is here, with us, every day in every moment. He holds us in His hands even when we feel distant. He is always there. He never faints, and He won’t grow weary. He is a God who provides the answers to our questions.
Praise God that we serve a God that knows each one of us inside and out. Praise God that that we have the ability to recognize His powerful works, yet He is way bigger than our thoughts can even comprehend.
Praise God that we serve a God that is truly indescribable.
Side Note: About half way through this note, a random guy started talking to me. Talked for probably 20 or 30 minutes about how great God is, being on fire for Christ, how easy it is to fall away and we need to daily surrender to Him and rely on Him for strength, etc, etc. Exactly what some of this blog is about! Then he prayed for me, and just for Christians in general, for probably a good 10 minutes. Wow. Another Divine moment. So unreal, yet so real and alive.
